the year's end

In a few hours I will be off to the snow. The end of 2009 is creeping upon us and I want to take a little time to reflect on this year and I don't know what.

This has been a momentous year to say the least. In a previous post I rattled off the things I have seen and accomplished. That was quite superficial. I think I'd like to delve into a few particular moments that stand out the most at this moment.

1. Starting the last semester with President Obama's inauguration. Standing in a crowd of hundreds, possibly thousands of students, feeling united and empowered and hopeful all at once for the beginning of something great.

2. Arriving at a subway station in Brooklyn minutes after someone was stabbed on the platform. Scary, surreal shit. It was Valentine's Day and we had just eaten at Grimaldi's Pizzeria. Oddly I was very calm and detached from the horrific situation before my eyes.

3. Spiking our frozen lemonades with vodka in Las Vegas for Spring Break and being drunk all day. Also splitting $5 subway footlongs among 3 people. Being with my bestfriends/sisters for four days was bliss!

4. A miserable weekend field trip for IB102L at Mt. Diablo turned into nice bonding time. Also the numerous field trips gave me so much appreciation for the nature that is so close to us. The Bay Area and California are beautiful places with blues and greens that are so gorgeous it seems unreal.

5. Realizing that what I feared since August was imminent. That I would no longer be living with my three best friends that I had spent so much of my last four years with. That I wouldn't have a second "home" in Berkeley anymore. That I wouldn't walk this campus as a student again. So hard to grasp, don't think I really digested it, let things just unfold in front of me without much control. Time went by so fast and I could do nothing about it except enjoy what I could and feel the heaviness of what was to come.

6. Being alone in Spain. One memory is waking up early, running down Las Ramblas, through the Raval, to the Park, along the waterfront, just loving every second that my foot hit the ground that was so foreign yet the same, being somewhere where no one knew me and I knew no one, where I had no ties but desperately wanted to root myself in some way or another. Running is my way of orienting myself and learning a place.

7. Adventures abound, a new hand to hold and exploration of emotions.

8. Feeling like hell during the MCAT.

9. Feeling like a million dollars on my day out with the girls for my birthday. Walking to a hilltop in our fancy clothes and overlooking the entire city while slightly drunk. Priceless. So much love.

10. Making grown up decisions and realizing what needs to be done and doing it.

11. Countless job interviews and trying to make light out of being #2 out of hundreds but not really being able to console self. Knowing that things will end up working out for the best but not knowing which direction I really wanted to be in and throwing myself in every single place possible. Learning and seasoning myself, I call it. Preparation for the best things to come. Exploring self and places in the process.

12. Understanding that there is much I do not know and that I need to learn how to express my love for the people who love me the most, properly. This is the most important.