thankful

i have been learning that a lot of things in life just do not go the way you want. and while i can count some crushing blows (to un-exaggerate: mild bouts of disappointment) on my fingers and toes, i am seeing the beautiful things in my life.

there is love.
there is health.
there is warmth.

i've gotten to do a lot this year. i have visited new york city with my cousins, run around central park, eaten amazing meals with beautiful people, gone to las vegas with my bestfriends, savored my last semester at cal, helped deliver a few babies, cut a few umbilical cords, developed a great appreciation for music, gotten to hear the symphony, seen beethoven performed in spain, traveled on my own to a country whose language i did not know, run in an olympic stadium, discovered the beauty of plants and nature, run bay to breakers with my dad, run a 5k with jennifer, taken the mcat, listened to and cried with saddened spouses who've lost partners to dementia, graduated from berkeley, done a phlebotomy, ran in the rain, basked in loving embraces, made wonderful memories exploring the lovely bay area, met countless inspirations, vowed to myself that i am over rollercoasters, adhered to my principles, laughed and smiled as much as possible, learned my way around the kitchen, felt the gratitude that comes with teaching and mentoring, grown closer with some friends but drifted from others, spent quality time with my cousins, and so much more. this year has been good to me and i need to trust that life will nudge me to the places and people i am meant for. passivity does not cut it but part of growing up is realizing what you are in control over and what you aren't.

it's often easier to see the negatives than the positives. i believe in psych we learned that people mourn the loss of five dollars more than gaining five dollars. i don't spend hours dwelling on lost opportunities, passed moments in time, or missed flights, but sometimes i get tired. i start to forget. my dreams and my goals that can be so clear at times become clouded in everything else. days go by when i lose sight of who i am and what i want and need.

but there's so much positivity in it all. when one door closes another door opens. it's up to you to walk through each set of open doors instead of staring at all the closed ones.

so be the person you want to be, today. be good, and be kind, and touch others. don't wait til tomorrow, or when it's convenient, or when you have time, because these options may not be there. it's easy to take advantage of the situations that are in our faces and turning them into positive beacons of light and love. when you have the opportunity to be nice, do it. when you have the control to be good, exercise it. when you have the chance to tell someone how much they mean to you, do it now or forever be at peace for having waited for god knows what. life is too short and too precious to be scared, shy, and self-conscious.

one of my goals: remove n(egative) words from my vocabulary. "not" "never" "nothing" "no" "nowhere" etc.