Why I Hated My Job

In the beginning it was all new, all wonderful. I had nothing to complain about except my commute and keeping a strict waking schedule. I found the novelty of it stimulating, and knowing my love for all experiences new, this was no exception.

One of my favorite people was someone not paid by the organization I worked for. Ms. W. worked for the school district and we bonded almost immediately. She was the math and science teacher, two of my favorite subjects through school and my tutoring fortes. I was thrilled to be able to work in her classroom and take part in teaching as well as counseling. The more involved I got with the teaching aspect, the closer I grew to Ms. W. Soon my responsibilities became blurred, as my job description never fully got established with my newfound position as a sometimes-lecturer, sometimes-counselor.

I was also having a lot of fun bonding with Ms. W. I think we found each other as kindred spirits, our souls too impenetrable by our environments. We'd have long discussions on every topic, mostly she talked and I listened. I love listening to the elderly because I find their wisdom and experience very educational, and I also find it a privilege to be a listener. It worked out well. I was curious, she was wise. Also really interesting and a living hippie.

As my superiors noted this attachment, they swiftly cut the cord, exiling me to the other room with the annoying teacher that everyone had issues with. Plus I found the social sciences incredibly unorganized and unstructured. The classroom was smaller, stuffier, and just less appealing. No one made it a secret - they straight up told me what my duties were and why I had to move. I had no say in this and found it very frustrating.

Plus I missed Ms. W. very much. Shortly after my arrival into her classroom, she had told me that I was the reason why she wasn't retiring that year. This made me feel very welcomed and needed. I like feeling that way, who doesn't? When I left, I had virtually no time to prepare, and worst of all, minimal time with Ms. W. I remember on one off-chance conversation, she ranted to me about the system and how they took me away from her. This all culminated in her decision to retire. I also lamented this but by this time I was so jaded by the organization that I just felt numb and powerless to the whole situation. It was around this time that I knew I could not survive in this environment without Ms. W., the one voice of reason amidst a group of unintellectual robots.

This further reinforces my hatred of being at the bottom of the food chain, of being under the control of people that I do not respect and cannot respect because of their adherence to systems that should probably be more flexible if they are to improve and benefit those they claim they are working for.

I understand that I was merely a worker and my duties became conflicted because of my relationships and interests. I can't just step into a workplace and carve out a job the way I like it. However, the handling of the situation was so rude and unprofessional. I hated that they wanted to turn me into a robot, that they could make me do whatever they wanted. If real life is like that, then I want to be in school forever.

Anyway I am happy that I got a conclusion and a heartfelt goodbye with Ms. W. I don't think she knows how influential she was in my job. Maybe her presence did distract me from my real job, but our conversations enlightened me and taught me more than my bosses could ever have. She was the only one who saw my presence as more than a minion to control, and for that I am grateful.

*Funny I came to this revelation while eating a plum over the kitchen sink.